I didn't imagine myself spending my last night in Logan alone, on our couch, watching reruns of Top Chef on Bravo. We had a lovely roommate dinner tonight at Chili's, that was really fun, and really filling for all of us. I'm really glad we did that, right before everyone left. It was good for all of us to get out, and be able to just spend time with each other without the stress of school for an hour and a half. Then we came home, I was kicked out of my bedroom by Tori and Maddison who both have finals at seven thirty tomorrow morning, so me and April sat through the longest movie I have ever watched. Julie and Julia. It was good, don't get me wrong. And I did laugh out loud quite a few times. However, I have a very short attention span. Spending 2 hours plus watching a random girl cook her way through an obnoxious chef's cookbook, was not exactly pleasing to my lack of focus. I finished it however, and was proud of that fact. Now I'm alone, and I'm leaving tomorrow, and it's really depressing. I know I come home all the time, but this is the longest I will spend away from here ever. It's really weird to think about. And this time, when I come back, some of the girls I have grown very close to, will no longer just be right down the hallway. It's very sad. Didn't make the 3.5 cut. Dang. I'm pretty confident, I ended with a 3.3 or 3.4. I was so close, it's extremely frustrating. College is a very tough ride, and I didn't expect it to be so. I'm mad at myself for not doing as well as I know I could. I'm at this brink of exhaustion, and stress overload however, that I have refused to dwell or care. I tried, and that's really all I have left to offer. I will take this break with open arms, and work my butt off next semester to save my GPA. Which hopefully, will be a successful adventure. I'm going to take this time to reflect on my first semester of college. I have learned a lot. Not only in the classroom, but about myself, and people in general. I have discussed it before, but I am amazed at the ability that people have to change. Whether the changes they have made are positive or negative, lies deeply rooted in the person, and their soul desires on where they want their lives to go. I have watched an amazing transformation occur in Maddison. I can see her differences. She has become a nice person, who is genuinely trying to be a better person. I am so proud to say that I knew such a person. She has been a valiant example to me. There are other people I have witnessed change, and their changes are not the kind I am glad to have noticed. It saddens me to know that there are so many people out there, who have proven the statistics correct. They are now away from home, and they have taken advantage of this freedom, and altered their lives in a bad way. I just hope that some day, they will realize how naive and childish they are being, and come back to the ways they know they are supposed to live. I look at the changes within myself. Not just the gushy church changes, but small things that don't exactly matter. I have become more tolerant of dirt. More tolerant of things that used to freak me out. I'm proud of myself. This has been a giant learning experience, and I only hope that it continues as I finish my schooling. I am so grateful for the people that I have in my life, and everything they have done for me to get here. I wouldn't be here without them, and I believe that the video played at my graduation dinner, was more than accurate. Because I knew all of you, whoever you may be, I have been changed for good. I'm going to miss you E403. But I will be back in one months time, and the adventures will only begin to continue.
Dec 8 2009
Tuesday. Today was absolutely boring. I slept in, which was very nice, seeing as I was seriously lacking in the amount of sleep I had retained over the past few days. Then we ventured to the Marketplace, and I headed off to my ASL final. It went very well. I feel very confident I got an extremely high grade, and I'm glad that I did really well in at least one class! I'm hoping that my report card reads all a's, with the stupid Biology exception of the C whatever. After my final, I came home and studied for a couple of hours, then read some of the book I'm currently entertained by, "The Secret Journal of Brett Colton." It's really good. It's a church book, about a girl who's brother died when she was really little, and then leaves her a journal for her to find on her sixteenth birthday. She meets the school quarterback (who is apparently extrememly attractive) who is Mormon, and they end up dating. I'm only halfway through, but I feel like he will convert her, and hopefully they will end up happily together for the rest of their lives. :] I like reading about her perspective on the Mormons, and the way that they conduct themselves. She mistakes Jason's kindness for fakeness, and then begins to realize, that that truly is who he is. I hope that someday I will be that kind. :] Ha. I talked to Parker today as well, which is good because I miss her greatly, and we haven't talked in forever. She is doing good. Hopefully her and Ben will be okay. We made a candybar run a while ago, because we all seriously needed some chocolate. I have been studying for my Psychology test most of the night, and me, Maddison, and Tesha have just been hanging out in the living room. I also talked to Troy today. I had to ask him about wardrobe requirements for Saturday, so I texted him. He answered my question, and then told me good luck on my finals. I idiotically said you too. I dont' think he is in school, therefore surely meaning he doesn't have finals. I'm an idiot. I'm hoping maybe he just read over it quickly, and thought nothing of it. Because that is a great first impression. Oh yeah. You're an idiot. Great. I will have to find some way to recover from this one. Tomorrow night is our last supper as roommates. It will be very sad. :/ I will take a lot of pictures. I'm sad. I like these girls. It has been so fun getting to know them, and I will miss different things about each one of them. I know we will see them next year, (Tesha and Maddison are coming back to Logan, and have promised to visit, or sacrifice their lives to me) but it is still sad. This is one of those situations where you are all forced into something new, and scary, so you reach out to whoever you can, and you become so much closer. I'm lucky to have met these girls, and hope that I have impacted their lives in a positive way. I hope when they think of me, they smile and shake their heads. I know that's what I will do when I think of both Maddison and Tesha. In church on Sunday Grant bore his testimony, and talked about going home for Christmas, and he made a valid point, that I think all of us agreed with. This Christmas is so different from the others. It means more to all of us to come home for the holiday, and be able to just be home with our families, and not have to worry about the stresses of school. It's very cool. Even if we are all stuck in the Limbo stage of life, where we are no longer young, not yet old. It's like the stage of life where we take everything we ever absorbed when being young, and have to quick sort it all out before we are old enough to actually apply it, and have it affect our lives, and our future families. Oh. I just love hanging out with these girls! I'm sad they are leaving. Maddison has this ability to make everyone laugh, by being totally serious. And Tesha's ability to make a normal situation completely awkward, and say everything that everyone is thinking. Next semester will be so weird.
Dec 6/7 2009
Sunday was a really good day. It started out with a great trip to church. It was so good. All of our new friends bore their testimonies and it was so cute. They all cried, and we cried, and it was just awesome. :] These boys will make really great missionaries in the very near future. I also choristed the music for the first time. Oh boy. I almost killed myself. I was standing on the little stair thing, leading away, I somehow lost my balance, my shoe slipped off of the stair, and I had to catch myself on the piano. It was almost a potentially extremely embarrassing situation. Can you imagine? The chorister's first week up there, she slips and knocks herself unconscious on the piano. It would be just grand. I could never ever live that down. And then to top it all off, in Sunday School, i tried to re-inact my almost death in front of the congregation, and actually almost killed myself. It was so embarrassing. I refuse to wear those shoes to church ever again. After church we came home and studied studied studied. Me and Tori spent a long time working for our Monday finals, and listened to fabulous church music. We took a break, made ourselves some dinner, and watched the Christmas Devotional. We then studied some more, and headed off to Ward Prayer. We were kind of stressed right before Ward Prayer because we realized that neither of us had Scantron sheets. Luckily, Grant, the attractive triplet, came to our rescue, calmed us down, and told us that he had Scantrons we could have. So later that night him and Tryn brought them over, and I made them Hot Chocolate in return. It was a very good night. We studied some more, and Grant helped Tori study for the final that they both had the next day. We finally got to bed (kinda) around one. However, neither me or Tori slept. We were both awake almost all night long, just laying there. It was so horrible. Then, at five thirty, we get a knock on my door. Maddison is standing there, and she says, we need to pray. That's it. I was so confused. So the three of us knelt on my floor and Maddison prayed for us. She was teriffied, and neither me or Tori knew what exactly was going on. When Maddison was finished, Tori said she wanted to say a prayer as well. Halfway through, both of us start crying. We still have no idea what is going on, and I thought I was dreaming. Tori is praying, we're crying, and Maddison is scared out of her mind. We found out after the prayer, that Maddison had felt some sort of evil presence, or what she believed to be evil, and was really freaked out. It makes sense, because both her and April have come a long way over the past couple of weeks, and are both getting very involved in their religions. (April gets to take the sacrament next week. We're very excited.) It was cool, but terrifying. By some miracle, I woke up an hour later, took my final, and have remained functioning all day today. My final went well. I didn't get the greatest score, but the rest of the class didn't do so well either, so I'm hoping there will be a curve involved. The wind was so bad today and last night however. Oh my. I thought I was going to die walking across campus. I like had to use a ton of force just to propel my body forward. It felt like thousands of ice daggers were finding their way through the seams of my jeans and implanting themselves into my thighs. My cheek cells were turned to ice cubes, and I thought I would loose my ability to express emotion forever. I thawed however, and now it's just incredibley cold here. But I love it. :] Mostly. We didn't do very much for the rest of the day, because all our classes are over. Me, Tori, and Maddison spent a really long time (4 hours) in my bedroom, just talking and laughing. We have bonded so well. :] (I almost just compared our bond to that of an atom, Biology has forever tainted my normalcy) I'm really going to miss her when she goes back to Washington. We had another church study party as well, and we all studied our different scriptures. :] It's really great. We tried to go to the temple today, but we forgot that it's closed on Monday. We're going to try to go tomorrow. I'm so tired. I have not slept in twenty four hours. I think that that was how Heavenly Father answered my prayers. He kept me awake all day today, even though I had a serious lack of sleep. I'll take any blessings. :] I wrote Cam today as well. Best news of all before I finally go crash, Troy called me tonight. :] He was very cute on the phone, and we are going out on Saturday for sure. :] Very excited. I hope all goes well!! The goose down and a hard twin mattress are requesting my company.
Dec 4/5 2009
So I failed at writing this weekend, I know. I'm sorry. But nothing really all that exciting happened. Friday I went about my last day of classes, nothing great going on there, except for the part where it was the last day of classes. We went to the Marketplace for dinner, and ran into all the people from our ward we played pool with and what not, and Jeff, invited us to play again with them later that night. I was excited, because I really like them, they are super super nice and fun, and a lot of them are really cute. So it's like a win win. We get friends, and they are cute. Haha. So I was just kinda hanging out in the apartment waiting for Jeff to call, and me and Maddison ended up just chilling and watching TV together all night. It was great. :] We bonded. Haha. I love her. I know she drives me insane, and she does these things that just dont make any sense at all, but I still love her. I will miss her when she goes back to Spokane at the end of this week. :/ She gave me a new name, legitney. Haha I'm so glad I have been upgraded from the "Shitney" she used to call me. I like the new one much better. Ha. Jeff never called, but he did stop by the apartment, and apologize for not getting around to playing pool. See? Isn't he just a sweetheart? It was cute. He stayed and talked for a little while, then left. I was so pleased he stopped by. It made my day. Later that night, we all hung out in the front room, and we decorated for Christmas! It's festive in the apartment now. I'm sad we didn't get the lights up yet, hopefully they will be up soon. But we have garland around the TV, and a cute little red Christmas tree. It's adorable. We had a bunch of cardboard left over from one of April's school projects, so I cut it up into squares, and I made ornaments with all of the roommates faces on them. They are adorable. They didn't fit on the tree however, soe we had to line them up around the base. There are pictures I will put up. They are so cute. And I tried to dress each one like their personality. Saturday was good as well. We all slept pretty late, and then we had a cleaning/dance party after lunch. It was just grand. We had the door open and were blasting music. And now our apartment is ten times cleaner, which I always will be a fan of. Then Jennifer and Melissa came and visited me! It was so good to see them! We hung out around the apartment, and then ventured out into the snow. :] It was so pretty!! I loved it. :] We went and watched everyone sledding down Old Main, and Tryn came with us. (Tryn is also known as Tryptophan, the kid from my FHE family who plays football. Intersting fact I learned that night-he is Connor's actual roommate. Yeahh.) Then Chad came over, and all of us went to the USU Basketball game. It was so fun!! There were so many people there and they were so loud!! We lost, which was so lame, cuz it was in the last like minute that we lost it, and it was all because of the referees. Stupid. But it was still a really fun game. After the game we were all starving so we went to Angie's and ate dinner. Then we came back to the apartment and played "Would you Rather" for a couple of hours, and then watched Accepted. It was quite a night. :] Tryn was here until like three thirty. It was kind of obnoxious. And I found out that Connor is an angry drunk. Unfortunate. But yeah it was alright. Another one of those posts with no insight, just the ramblings of events.
Dec 3 2009
Happy Birthday to my father and Caitlyn today. Today was an average day. I'm really tired. And I just want all this hardcore studying stuff to end. I hate Finals. This is the first thing of college that is just like the movies. Stupid stressful finals week. I hate. Today was the last day of two of my classes though. It's really great. One step closer to being home for Christmas! I got a letter today. So that is good. Um I have focus problems today. Bad. It is even interupting this blog post. Quite unfortunate. I went to a ward activity tongiht. It was actually really fun! We went and ate pizza in building F, and then played pool with a bunch of boys from our ward. It was great. :] And now we have friends in the ward! Yay us! We're totally getting rid of the antisocial label that we have been slathered with. Unfortunate. I have so much homework to do. It's stupid. I hate homework. And studying. And everything. Bahh. I just would really like to go on a real live date. Ha. Not in the boy crazy way. I just want to do something productive and fun. :]
Dec 2 2009
So today started out pretty alright. I was able to wake up, drag myself to my early English class, get through that, sit through Biology, and then go to my ASL Lab for the last time. It was a really good class today. We talked all about the Deaf Culture, and Jon told us about how he has a Cochlear Implant, and how it didn't really help him succeed at all. Which is true, people think they make you magically hear just like normal, but that is surely not the case. After that we went to the Marketplace, had a great time, came home, went to Psychology, the boring perks of class filled days. Tonight however was an epic night for USU basketball. And I was so excited to get to go. We headed over to the Spectrum at about four twenty, and the line was so disgustingly long. By the time the doors opened, it snaked all they way through the Hyper field. (I took pictures, I will show you) But it was freezing. And I was not prepared. I stood in line for two and a half hours. Couldn't feel my feet, or my hands. Everyone around us was freezing to death basically. However, when they opened the doors, some idiot created their own line. They ignored the fact that hundreds of kids were standing in the cold, and had been for hours on end, and created their own line to get into the game. The officials ignored this fact, and therefore had two lines slowly filtering themselves into the Spectrum. One line of honest people who had been there all day and stayed in line, and the other, the scum of the earth that cut in front of everyone in their own selfishly created line. Right when we got to the doors, they were shut in our face, and we were told the place was full. I was mad. I was mad that I couldn't feel any part of my body, and that there were people who had been standing in the cold for all of ten minutes snug inside watching the game. It was so ridiculous. I will be writing a letter to the stupid school. And I know for a fact I will not be the only one. Because there were about three hundred kids left outside the Spectrum doors, for honestly standing in line. My feet are still swollen and feel weird from the cold. There had better not be any permanent damage. I'm stressed about the amount of work I have to get done in the next few days. I'm beginning to worry. But I have faith that I will get it all completed. And do well on my Finals. I pray. Pray for me. :/ Let's see...talked to Connor today. He called me pretty. :] Our apartment is a disaster zone and it's starting to gross me out. Rob broke up with Maddison, so that should get pretty interesting over the next couple of days. No letter. I'm exhausted. Tori has layed herself out across my front room table and my couch and fallen asleep. I can't decide if I'm going to leave her here or not, or make her go get in her car and drive home. Eh. Goodnight.
Dec 1
Got to start a new month today. That is a grand occassion. So today was basically the most nonproductive day ever. It all started out well, but went downhill as the day progressed. I realized a few things today however. I noticed, that as I walk across campus, no matter what time of the day it is, no matter what day it is, season, weather conditions, there are always people working on the landscape. I wonder, why that is. I mean, it's pretty cold here. And everyone knows we're going to get a ton of snow, so why spend countless hours slaving away over the landscape that will just become a frozen wasteland in a month's time. Waste of time. Tonight we had some seriously fun times as roommates and Tori. Ha. We got no homework done however, but oh we laughed really hard. First we had a giant dance party, and got the people from the second floor to come up and see what was going on. Then me and Tori stat in my room and no joke just stared out my window waiting for innocent passerbys to scream at. Oh it was so funny. We were dying we were laughing so hard. I don't know what happened to everyone tonight, but we were all on something. Then Tori picked up this giant carboard remote we have in our front room (let me repeat that, the giant....cardboard...remote...we had in our front roomm......??) and we both connected on the same brain wave, and I became her TV. It then turned into this giant game, and everyone was involved, and we acted out all sorts of TV shows, and all of us were laughing so hard we were crying and laying on the floor. It was a great time. I'm going to miss little Tesha when she moves away. I cannot believe it is already the end of my first semester at college. I still feel like a little girl. It's the weirdest. But it really is great. Sometimes I look back for a second on life in high school, jr. high, or elementary, and I can see how old I really am. Other times when I look back I can tell I still am the same girl, with the same quirks, and the same goals. I'm glad that I could remain an individual through the craziness we grow up in now a days. I feel bad for those of them that I once knew, who faded away into the fads and fashions of the world, and caved under the pressures of their peers. I want to show them that the real them is still there somewhere, but I don't think they would be willing to uncover it. They like their new covering of a life better, even if it is just temporary. I can only continue to hope that they will realize it before it is too late, and come back to what they used to know. But everyone has hopes. No letter. Talked to Connor again. Losing interest in Nick. I feel these are just staples of the day that need to be mentioned. They are like the Nutrition Facts on the cereal boxes. Demanded by law, passed over by all.
