I didn't imagine myself spending my last night in Logan alone, on our couch, watching reruns of Top Chef on Bravo. We had a lovely roommate dinner tonight at Chili's, that was really fun, and really filling for all of us. I'm really glad we did that, right before everyone left. It was good for all of us to get out, and be able to just spend time with each other without the stress of school for an hour and a half. Then we came home, I was kicked out of my bedroom by Tori and Maddison who both have finals at seven thirty tomorrow morning, so me and April sat through the longest movie I have ever watched. Julie and Julia. It was good, don't get me wrong. And I did laugh out loud quite a few times. However, I have a very short attention span. Spending 2 hours plus watching a random girl cook her way through an obnoxious chef's cookbook, was not exactly pleasing to my lack of focus. I finished it however, and was proud of that fact. Now I'm alone, and I'm leaving tomorrow, and it's really depressing. I know I come home all the time, but this is the longest I will spend away from here ever. It's really weird to think about. And this time, when I come back, some of the girls I have grown very close to, will no longer just be right down the hallway. It's very sad. Didn't make the 3.5 cut. Dang. I'm pretty confident, I ended with a 3.3 or 3.4. I was so close, it's extremely frustrating. College is a very tough ride, and I didn't expect it to be so. I'm mad at myself for not doing as well as I know I could. I'm at this brink of exhaustion, and stress overload however, that I have refused to dwell or care. I tried, and that's really all I have left to offer. I will take this break with open arms, and work my butt off next semester to save my GPA. Which hopefully, will be a successful adventure. I'm going to take this time to reflect on my first semester of college. I have learned a lot. Not only in the classroom, but about myself, and people in general. I have discussed it before, but I am amazed at the ability that people have to change. Whether the changes they have made are positive or negative, lies deeply rooted in the person, and their soul desires on where they want their lives to go. I have watched an amazing transformation occur in Maddison. I can see her differences. She has become a nice person, who is genuinely trying to be a better person. I am so proud to say that I knew such a person. She has been a valiant example to me. There are other people I have witnessed change, and their changes are not the kind I am glad to have noticed. It saddens me to know that there are so many people out there, who have proven the statistics correct. They are now away from home, and they have taken advantage of this freedom, and altered their lives in a bad way. I just hope that some day, they will realize how naive and childish they are being, and come back to the ways they know they are supposed to live. I look at the changes within myself. Not just the gushy church changes, but small things that don't exactly matter. I have become more tolerant of dirt. More tolerant of things that used to freak me out. I'm proud of myself. This has been a giant learning experience, and I only hope that it continues as I finish my schooling. I am so grateful for the people that I have in my life, and everything they have done for me to get here. I wouldn't be here without them, and I believe that the video played at my graduation dinner, was more than accurate. Because I knew all of you, whoever you may be, I have been changed for good. I'm going to miss you E403. But I will be back in one months time, and the adventures will only begin to continue.
0 comments:
Post a Comment